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One Year

Dear Daddy,

Tonight will make one year since you left this earth. I don't know how to feel about anything. I know that I have been sad lately. I also know that you'd want me to continue living my life.

Sometimes I feel so guilty because, it seems, as a family, my mom, my sister, and I have been happier as we've gotten settled into our new house and gotten back into some routines.

It feels bad that we should feel okay without you.

Yet, I do miss you every day.

It's hard for me to say at times, but I don't miss all the yelling and complaining that you'd do.

Little did we know, though, that all the anger was a sign of your declining health. I had not known about that.

I sometimes feel guilty that I did not know about diabetic ketoacidosis (DKA). I feel guilty and mad both at myself and at your for not letting us know about it.

After all, how was I supposed to know something like that? I knew about watching out for insulin reactions and diabetic coma. I had no idea about DKA. Now, I get angry at all those commercials that trivialize it like DKA is just something you can have and live with like it is just another form of diabetes or can easily be treated when it's not that way at all.

I know that you'd not like how they trivialize it, either. We probably couldn't do anything about the juniva commercial, but the fact that one is for Lake Charles Memorial Hospital is awful. They have a little girl mentioning it as well like it was some minor thing like a cold and perhaps we could've done something about that.

I miss you. I miss my Daddy that could fix my adult trike. I miss my Daddy that liked the fact that I loved pick-up trucks. I miss my Daddy that could help me with my science homework. I miss my Daddy that would help me get stuff for costuming for theater.

Yet, I feel guilty that I don't miss all the criticism from you because I do miss you.

It doesn't seem real that it's been one year, and yet, it has.

We have yet to go find your brick at the memorial at McNeese.

We didn't do anything special to mark one year. We didn't go out to Prien Lake on a boat with anybody. we didn't even go out to Prien Lake Park.

We just went about our day like normal.

I guess this is good as I'm sure you'd want us to continue living, but I just feel so guilty and sad at times. I'm not sure what to do or not do. I'm so confused sometimes. I miss you lots and I know you're in heaven, but it just hurts to think that you're not here.

There are days that even though you never stepped foot into the house where we live now, it seems you should walk through the door.

I love you and I'll always love you, Daddy.

I'll always be your little girl.

Love,
Bridget

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